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Still making progress...

Oct. 11th, 2007 | 09:15 pm
location: the purple place...lol
mood: optimistic optimistic
music: Keyshia Cole ~"Just Like You"

It is such a good feeling to know that my life is moving in a direction that I am so excited about. I completed my substitute training class two weeks ago, and will start substituting as soon as a teacher wants to take a Tuesday off...lol. Next thing...taking the basic skills assesment of the GACE on October 27. I've been looking over the test material and am praying for the best. I refuse to stress myself out about it, and I'm sure that is helping me to study a lot better. So once I get those scores back, I'll know when I can start school at West GA (God knows how bad I want this, I guess the only other question is...does God want this for me...I think he does because everything just feels so right). I applied for a job at the hospital, and was told that I should be expecting a call to setup an interview soon. (God...that's another thing I need for you to work out for me...lol...just to get that interview would make me sooooo happy). Man, I cannot believe how when the mind, spirit, heart, and soul connects...everything else just works itself out.

So as of this past Wednesday, Brian has been gone for two months. I cannot believe that it has actually been that long. I miss him everyday, and I am finding so much strength in his abscene. I told myself that when he left, that this was my time to get myself together, and I can say with a smile, that I am doing just that. Two months down, two more to go. Then he'll be back in Virginia, and I can start planning my trip up there.

I'm takin a personal day on Friday just to chill. I'm going to get a massage with my friend Heather, and then I am hoping to get to the movies to see Tyler Perry's new film at some point. Saturday is Kamryn's costume party, so I have to play hostess, and help with all the little children who'll be there. I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun...lol. Well, that's all for now. HOLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

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In time...

Sep. 26th, 2007 | 11:05 pm
location: my room...oh how I love the lavender walls
mood: hopeful hopeful
music: Tye Tribbett & GA "No Other Choice"

I am so just in the moment. Everyday I feel as if I am becoming a better person. I feel like I am a lot happier these days, and even though I am missing Brian beyond belief, I am truly understanding that God put a special man in my life for a reason. I'm realizing that if you put positive in the universe, that's exactly what you'll get in return. I'm enjoying each and every single day. I am glad that I'm making some serious decisions about where I want to go in life, and having the support of family, friends, and of course my Brian, makes it all better. I have changed the way I look at things, and people have noticed a change in me. Lol...Ne-Yo says it best..."I'm to fly to be depressed"...lol. Apparently my happiness makes me want to go to the gym all the time...lol...I'll be ready to run that mile with Brian by the time he gets back from the Middle East.

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Has it been a month already????

Sep. 10th, 2007 | 09:34 pm
location: My room....it's soooo peaceful...yellow walls will do that
music: "Crazy" ~ Ne-Yo

Wow. I cannot believe it, but I'm looking at my calender and it clearly states that today marks the day that Brian left one whole month ago. Many were expecting me to be a big old ball of tears, and I am sooooo proud of myself. Brian made me promise that I would be strong, because it would be extra hard if he knew that he left me back in GA, and all I was doing was crying all the time. I've been doing just fine. I'm still taking it a day at a time, and that seems to work just fine for me. In his last email he said that it's possible that he might be calling me sometime this week, and if he does...I'll be soooooo happy....but at the same time, if he doesn't...I truly understand. Now that I have made the decision to pursue my certification in teaching, I'm doing what I need to do to see that I get into West GA's program for the Spring 2008 semester. I got my transcript evaluation back, and I just have to take 5 classes, and then apply to the Teachers Education Program. It's suppose to take two full years, and I'm okay with that. I'm jut going to continue to pray and ask God for guidance in this matter. I'm also excited that Michelle is back home in Memphis for about two weeks....I'll be even more excited if she made it down to Atlanta. Well, I have a lost of errands to run tomorrow...and hopefully I'll make it down to West GA to talk to a few people. I just have to remeber to register for the GACE by Thursday...lol.

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A ball of energy....lol....

Aug. 27th, 2007 | 01:50 am
location: A room with yellow walls...
mood: optimistic optimistic
music: The tv...

I don't know why, but for whatever reason, I cannot go to sleep. I've responded to all emails, watched Bridezillas, Girls Next Door, Dr. 90210, and Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane...but I just can't close my eyes yet. Lol. Now I'm watching the Original Kings of Comedy and looking for a new purse on overstock.com. I cannot believe that August is almost over. This year has really gone by fast. I guess that just means I need to go ahead and get my priorities in order before next year gets here. So Brian has been gone for seventeen days...lol...I just remember that he left on August 10th....and I'm really doing well. I'm quite proud of myself. Of course I think about him all the time, and wish I could just pick up the phone and call him, but I can't. He said that they should be back in either two to four months. So it could be October (Oct. 21st to be exact) or December (Dec. 21st). Regardless I just want him to come back to the states so I can visit him. At the moment I'm still waiting on West GA to respond to me, but I believe that God will make a way for me. Well, I actually think my energy has ran out...lol...it's nite nite time now.

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And he's off....

Aug. 14th, 2007 | 11:22 pm
location: My favorite place...
mood: calm calm
music: "Slap" ~Ludacris

Yep. Brian is off into the sea...lol. He told me last night that it could be anywhere between two to four months, and today told me that the earliest he would be back is October 21st and the latest would be December 21st. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens now won't I?? I'm amazed that I have broke out in tears today, seeing as today his ship left. I did tear up right after I got off the phone with him, but I sucked it up, and said hey...I'm gonna be fine, and I've gotta be strong or else I'll go crazy. Anyways, I miss him a whole bunch, and I cannot wait to go visit him when he comes back and gets all settled in. I have decided to pursue teaching for a few years, and am currently look for schools that I think will help me get certified and prepare me for teaching. I'm so excited about what the future holds me. I've learned that I have got to stop stressing out so much about where my life is headed, and that I have to hold on to my faith, and give it to God. I had to babysit Kalil today, and then both he and Kamryn once I picked her up from school...my how they've grown in the three months that I haven't them...and I think that they have worn me out, so I'm gonna go read for a minute and fall asleep soon I'm sure.

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I'm getting a bit emotional....

Aug. 7th, 2007 | 10:26 pm
location: My room....my place of solitude
mood: indescribable indescribable
music: "Please Don't Go" ~Tank

Well, the time has come. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but I guess this is where I realize that I wish we had a little bit more time to spend together. Sometimes I wish he was going to be here for a few more days, and sometimes I wish he wasn't moving away. I guess while I thought I was preparing myself for this day, I guess I never took the time to actually think about how I would feel. I've never done the whole long-distance realationship thing before, and I guess I'm just scared. Maybe even nervous. I'm just not sure of how this will affect me. It's in God's hands, and He'll give me the strength that I need so dearly right now. I'm having mixed feelings...I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm proud, I'm scared. I guess all those feelings are to expected. I cried earlier while talking to him because I realized that we didn't get to spend as much time together in the past few days that I would've wanted to. Tomorrow will be a day full of emotions. I'm sure I'm gonna cry. A lot. Everytime I think about him being gone, and just knowing that I can't make that 45 minute drive to see him, but that it'll now be a 10 hour drive when I do decided to go to Norfolk, VA to visit him. Tomorrow I'll be watching him pack, and think about how special this man truly is to me, and how much he really means to me. Damnit. I'm tearing up right now. At least I know I'll have my gurls to support me and help me get through my period of adjusting. I'll miss you Brian!!!

P.S.....I'm going to use this time that he is away to refocus myself and my purpose...but first thing in the morning...I'm hitting the gym. I'm sure that will take away some stress.

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Stop worrying....start moving....

Jul. 26th, 2007 | 01:15 am
location: in my room....with my new WIRELESS laptop :~)
music: the news...same old mad world

I cannot believe that I have not updated my journal in almost two months...maybe three...what's that all about? I think about writing...and then I just don't. Guess I'm just really good at keeping things on the inside. Yeah. That's it. Just got back from seeing Hairspray with Arsed, Denise, and Twanda...and it was really a great movie. It made my night (since we had to forgo seeing "300" because of the monsoon). With each passing day, I'm realizing more and more that it is truly time to make a plan for my life, and follow it. No excuses. Brian will be leaving in about two weeks (just found out today...he'll be leaving August 10), and then I'll have to fins other things to keep me happy even though he's gone. I spent the weekend with him, and as I was leaving on Sunday evening, I just couldn't contain myself and just broke down and cried in his arms. It's weird how God puts that one person in your life that you could care so much for, and love so much, just to make sure that you'll feel the same way once he is away from you. We've been together for almost two years...wow...and he's truly made me a better person. That's what our significant other should do. Build you up. Not bring you down. Well, I have a little bit more time to spend with him her, and I really have to cherish every moment that I have with him...he'll be gone for 27 months....whew. I've realized that when he leaves, I'll have no choice but to put my life in order. It's time to seriously get down to business. It's been a year and two months since I became a graduate of Agnes Scott, and I don't have anything to show for it. That's all about to change. It's time to step out on faith, and start listening to what's in my heart and soul...and stop doubting myself so much. In the end I know that things will work out, but until then, I have to make sure that I am doing everything in my power to make those changes happen.

*Hugs and Kisses!!!
Ashley

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I wonder what God has planned for me?

May. 8th, 2007 | 12:48 am
mood: indifferent indifferent

So going to the gym and working out always gets me thinking about things...life, work, friends, family, and all that other important stuff. My life coach has decided that I need to write out a list of goals for myself, and although I have yet to officially submit them, I've realized that there are so many things I want to accomplish over the next year...yet, there are like five that are major, major, MAJOR!!! As always, I am not content in where I am in life, and I ahve no one to blame for that but myself. I really need to watch out for that sign...maybe that's just it...I should be LISTENING for a sign for God to let me know how to proceed. Deep prayer over the next couple of months should help guide me. I'm sure of it. On another note, Brian is going to Norfolk, Virginia. Whew. For a second there I thought they were gonna ship him across country to San Diego. Only problem is we don't know when he's leaving...isn't the Navy just grand??? Anyways, I think some orange sherbet ice cream will make me happy...hey it's fat free...and it won't completely undo the hour of cardio I did today at the gym....riiiiggghhhttt??

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I did it....

May. 2nd, 2007 | 01:31 am
mood: anxious anxious
music: MaryMary~"Shackles"

In order to grow, and make myself a better person, I did something that should've been done a long time ago. I wrote to two people and got some major things off my chest. I feel so much better. It only took me two weeks to actually start and finish one of the messages. Doesn't matter though, because it's done. Emotional cleansing process started. When will I finish it? Who knows...but at least I'll be a bit more focused now. Well, I do have to see if they respond huh? I'm sure Michelle will be proud of me.

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Maybe my mommy was right....

Apr. 27th, 2007 | 01:01 am
mood: uncomfortable uncomfortable

Am I really losing focus? Have I lost my drive? She said that to me yesterday, and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it's true. Maybe I'm not focused or driven because I'm still teetering on whether or not I want to pursue pharmacy or education. I have no reason not to do either, but it's my own fears and doubts keeping me from pharmacy...the fear that I won't make the right grades, the fear that I won't get into to any pharmacy school. I'm so confused. Dammmmittt. Brian got into an accident yesterday, and it threw me off just a bit...but thank God he is okay. His truck isn't though. Work is work. I have got to do better than what I have been. I'm realizing that I'm not the go-getter that I used to be, and that is beginning to drive me nuts. It's my own fault that changes haven't been made and steps haven't been taken forward. And I still haven't finished that letter. God give me peace. God give me grace. God give me a sign. A big obvious sign. I'm going to drink some apple juice...that makes me happy.

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